What is NoWhiteLies?

Children need truth in order to heal from tragedy, and can handle the most difficult truth when it’s shared in language they can understand. NoWhiteLies is a therapeutic approach that uses the power of truthtelling to help children understand catastrophe and heal from loss and pain. NoWhiteLies combines storytelling with personalized books and creative play activities for children, with counseling for parents. The approach has proven wonderfully effective for children up to 12 years old.

What situations do you address?

I started NoWhiteLies to address personal catastrophe which calls for difficult conversations with children: the loss or illness of a parent or sibling, unexpected pregnancy loss and perinatal complications, anticipated major surgery for the child him or herself, and the meaning of events such as funerals and hospital visits. The circumstances differ. The common thread in my response is a sensitive and compassionate inclusion of your children in the truth of their situation.

When do you get involved?

Families contact me under all circumstances – at first diagnosis of what is expected to be a difficult or terminal illness, at points when a loved one’s prognosis worsens, after a sudden loss, or in anticipation of dramatic life changes such as divorce. I provide ongoing support, by telephone, via Skype, or in person, for as long as families need me.

How do you work?

I offer two services for families facing personal tragedy: I write and illustrate custom children’s books that explain loss and pain through storytelling. And as an optional add-on to the books, I counsel entire families, using traditional psychotherapeutic methods with you, and clinically tested Expressive Arts therapy activities with your children. We’ll customize the services to suit your needs. Many families choose to ask me for “tune up” or “spot check-in” help after we formally stop working, to meet new or unexpected developments.

How do you make a book?

It starts with a conversation, about the situation you face. We’ll talk about the children – their history, what they understand now (“the observable circumstances”), their favorite activities, stories and characters. I’ll use our talk to write and illustrate a personal story that is customized for your child and appropriate to their age. After I send the book to you, we’ll speak again and I’ll walk you through the story, sharing my experience about what to expect when you read it aloud to your children. The whole process typically takes about three weeks.

What can I expect from a session with you?

Many parents facing catastrophe are overwhelmed – by their own grief, the deep wish to help their children understand what is happening, the practical demands of caregiving. I provide perspective, reassurance and a roadmap that puts truthtelling at the center of helping your children. I’ll partner with you, discussing your situation and what might work best for your family. As part of an initial session, we’ll talk about options for additional sessions with the whole family present.

What can I expect from a session with my kids?

While every family situation is different, all my work with children has three common elements. First, it is playful, combining a mix of activities, usually but not always with you present in the room. Second, the play is designed so kids always have an active role. Third, activities or play are always developmentally appropriate to the child.

What do I tell my relatives?

Primary caregivers often face confusing amounts of advice provided by professionals and well-meaning relatives. As part of my work with you, we can discuss what and how to navigate these pressures.

If I call you, does it mean I've given up on my loved one?

Not at all. Everything I do is about preserving, maintaining and restoring hope and possibilities for families facing unforeseen tragedy. I have found that, without fail, truthtelling affirms personal dignity in these defining moments, for everyone concerned.

What are your credentials?

I am a Licensed Creative Arts Therapist (LCAT), Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in PA, Board Certified Trainer (BCT), Registered Drama Therapist (RDT), and a nationally certified Child Life Specialist (CCLS). My therapeutic approach has been developed during almost 20 years of work with families in in-patient and out-patient settings, medical centers, Intensive Care Units and in my private practice. I have also taught for 11 years at New York University, as an adjunct faculty member. 

Do you work with other healthcare professionals?

Yes, easily and frequently – palliative care professionals and ICU nurses (NP, RN, APN), social workers (LSW and LCSW) and doctors. Much of my experience has been in institutional settings, as a part of coordinated family-centered care. I also work as part of referral networks for educational- and community-outreach professionals.

Do you accept insurance?

No. We can discuss price and payment arrangements during an initial conversation. I accept checks and credit card payments.

Where is your office?

I see families at my offices in Manhattan at 303 5th Avenue, Suite 601, New York, NY 10016.

I also help families remotely using Skype or Google Hangouts.

Contact me to see how we can get in touch.