A Mother's Illness and Death

Jim called me five years after I first worked his two young children. The first time around, telling the truth meant explaining his wife Laura’s diagnosis of breast cancer, and her expected hair loss after chemotherapy treatment. Now, the breast cancer had returned, metastasized and was quickly progressing. This time, I would need to prepare Trevor and Alexa, ages eight and five, for the changes in their mother’s condition and her imminent death.

Five years earlier, over three counseling sessions, I wrote a children’s story for Trevor and Alexa, then read the book aloud to the whole family. It explained Laura’s illness in truthful language the kids could understand, and the effect on the kids was strong and positive. Jim and Laura got some peace of mind, feeling they’d done right as parents. I was asked to write a second book, and work closely with the children before and after every hospital visit, as Laura became visibly more ill.

As direct physical contact with Laura became difficult, one of my therapeutic games asked Trevor and Alexa to place “kisses to give to Mommy” into their little palms, to be placed on her face. It was an active, playful but powerful gesture of connection and love. After the final goodbye visit with Laura, Jim told me Trevor couldn’t open one hand. “There are kisses for Mommy there,” he told Jim, and he didn’t want to lose them. Trevor opened his hand when Jim told Trevor he could store up kisses for Mommy anytime. A year later, Jim reports his children are performing well at school, still fondly use the storybook, and share good memories of our time together.